Bash-less Allegations

This seems a season of allegation, Mamta Banerjee alleging the Left to have a hand in the sabotage, for which the Home ministry and every one around is alleging the Naxals. Indian army has decided to make into the daily news even in peace time and has been on forefront in getting involved in allegations , and of course Lalit Modi has a 10000 page thesis, God knows how many allegations he has put up, or wait he is already an accuse on many counts. The greatest allegation of the season has been on God Himself of having sent Adam and Eve away from heaven due to reasons other than the Apple controversy (No not the one which smacked Windows, the one they ate ). So, celebrating this season, here I am panning out some of my own allegations.

1. Naming my first accused- the famed BCCI for not sending the team to Asian Games.
Unlike most of the people, I have no qualms of losing a medal, it was hard to come by any ways, but what pissed me off is that, now the players will be treated as demigods once they have beaten the poor Kiwis in the home series on super turning tracks. Oh, and one more thing which I will miss is all the gossips that would have followed after the debacle in the asian games. Sad day indeed for media!

Accuse 2- The Ambani Brothers -Why on earth did you have to make up? You made so good headlines, now will have to stick to Ekta Kapoor’s series for the dosage of opulent industrialists and their family row- crying mother, fighting sons and all that. Passing note- Heard that Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi got scraped? Sad day indeed for the media, again.

Accuse 3- Arundhati Roy…hmmm have to be careful, dont want Naxals running around my home looking for my head. Heard recently they looted some nice rifles from CRPF!
Madam Roy, I tried reading your book “God of Small Things” but you have cramped way too many complex character name to be able to enjoy (speaking strictly for myself, don’t give me that booker winner shit)! Got inspiration from Illiad, eh ? No doubt your life is always so complex, you fail to understand the basics, like try this one “Naxals are a threat to everyone! ” Never mind she wont understand, but I shall wait for her new novel “Gandhians with Guns” (All right she alleges the media to have framed the word for her, she never said that.)

*Update — I read the book and its one of the greatest I read but doesn’t change my stand on her.*

Accuse 4- Marcus Tulio Tanaka for injuring the great Didier Drogba.
Sad indeed for football fans !

After so many allegations, the risk stays of being slapped with a law suit as it happened in the case of poor facebook-er, however I am sure that my friends will bail me out.

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Leisurely Sunday morning and the newspaper.

The morning started pretty late today, and as usual with the Hindustan Times. The front page covered the tragic plane crash at Mangalore and once again I felt aggrieved but having read all the articles and followed the news the whole of yesterday, there could have been nothing new that the newspaper could report.
So as I looked through other articles, I was overjoyed to see the students from Bihar board scoring more than ninety percentage, for they always suffered at the hands of examiners who for some reason never marked them above 90, the highest until the last year was around eighty-five and thus the students would always be at a loss compared to their peers from other boards.
The editorial consisted of a few good articles with the inimitable Khushwant Singh ruling the roost. His article All in a (Hot) Day’s work provided the best possible start to a day, and the humour on Barack Obama and the Queen was all you can ask for to refresh yourself and thus setting a real good mood to read. Having read the articles by Karan Thapar, Vir Sanghvi and the special guest columnist Carla Bruni Sarkozy, all of which were very refreshing, as I moved from one page to the next, I came across the leisure/listings sections (could not find an internet link) which consisted of the Tarot Power predictions by Ma Prem Ritambhra.
That I am enjoying the luxury of free time, I thought of reading this as well (on other occasions I would prefer a gossip column to predictions). My star sign predictions started thus :
“You tend to think negatively and torture yourself endlessly by imagining the worst about major decisions and changes this week.”
I had to read it again to understand its implications, and thus it caught my interest. I was determined to know, how or what instigated such an accusation on my otherwise joyous and positive pattern of living!
Proceeding further, I found out that I would connect with a special friend this week and celebrate privately. This sounded interesting, but still did not make sense. All I am to do this week is stay indoors, away from heat and read. The only time I would go out would be to the gym but then meeting someone and above all celebrating “privately”, is definitely not on my mind. Also it did not explained the first allegation of negative thinking so I was a bit disappointed.
“You can also get in touch with family and parents as you are sentimental and caring”
Don’t know about the qualities but I am at home because it is vacation.
“You can over analyse situations, confuse yourself and miss opportunities”
Ma Ritambhara would chuckle and point out to this article and say “See ! I told you, analysing a tarot card prediction? common get a life! “, to which I had to respond that madam, it is you who got me to analyse this by pointing out that I am to think negatively and torture myself, for me these are as worse as suicidal tendencies.
However Ma Ritambhara, must have decided to give me a respite and went on to say how I can achieve anything I desire to and that I should consider aiming higher. Thank you ma’m. Your encouragement is noted and well appreciated.
The last line again got me to thinking: “Take time out of your busy schedule for some introspection and alone time”– I wondered whether to sacrifice couple of hours out of the 10 hours I sleep or some other time when I am reading some thing or the other which I consider a luxury of long vacation. May be I will sacrifice the reading time (and ‘analysing’ time) I spent on this tarot card prediction.
PS: My lucky colour is creamy white, hoping some one buy me a vanilla ice-cream.

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Austerity Measures ?

Its different for once not to criticize the Indian politicians however this feeling emanates because of one specific reason. Their definition of the term “Austerity” stands completely against the term Austerity measures as defined by the European Politicians. Though the scenario is completely different but it is hilarious to say that those are the Austerity measures adopted by “the government”, when all it is doing is to increase the indirect taxes and cut salaries of the public servants while it bears no cut down in politicians salary.
Now is it going to help is a matter of concern, no doubt the greek commoners are apprehensive about it. They have taken to streets and a great protest is what is to follow. Their actions are because of a logical conclusion that these Austerity measures are only temporary solutions and what it is to bring about is a stagnation of the growth in the country.


Here is something that makes up for a good conversation …Sagarika Ghose (the proud journalist who coined the term ‘internet Hindus’ ) tweets :
“Kasab gets death. UPA needs to explain why it can fast track kasab but not fast track afzal guru–both accused of waging war on india”
6:25 PM May 6th via web
Has she completely lost knowledge of 8th standard civics ?
Afzal has got death too, he is under a status of mercy plea to the president ! And as death is an irreversible sentence it is necessary for a civilised state to make sure that it is justified and last resort.
It is surprising that miss Ghose is oblivious of the fact or has no distinction between the verdict of sessions court and plea of pardon !
The next tweet she comes up with is this :
“Journalism not about style and posturing but about knowledge,passion and sincerity. young anchors across channels very foolish! ”
6:30 PM May 6th via web
The Wisdom (read wise dumb) !

Politically Illiterate

While an average Indian family is getting rich, we young life are happily bearing the direct fruits, sipping cola while digging into the variety of flavoured potato chips offered by the multi national corporations, trying our best to get to the next level in some simulation game or practising hard the best warfare techniques in a huge screen supported by PS3, with a look here and again on our touch screen cell phones, waiting for that invitation to the nearest club or discotheque, thus starting a never ending time of revelry, where the spirits soar high as the spirits flow around, shot after shot, cheers to the life so tinsel and happening, dancing on the tracks remixed and refined, getting into a state of trance to relax, rejuvenate and refresh our selves.

Oh so much for ‘work hard and party harder!’

Lets contrast it to a scene a few years back, had we been to our older generation.

We would be sitting probably with a newspaper in hand trying to get the story that refreshes us, occasionally coming across some story that we are bound to be attracted to, considering the importance been put on that issue with every big wigs and who’s who chipping in their own wise opinions. May be we get a phone call from a friend who decides to come over to your house as there is no great hangout place. May be you go to a common refreshment centre serving desi samosas, where there is a communion of people of all ages, some of who are discussing issues of national importance passionately which may disconcert you for a while and you may laugh off, pointing out the ironical position this man is in, sitting in this poor place discussing policies that affect the nation. But may be in that fleeting moment you would have offered your opinion about the issue.

Is that a good picture or a bad picture ?

I want a life of choices, in which if I can, and I will make the most sophisticated choice I want to. I would like a particular kind of dessert, a butterscotch ice cream, with a coating of chocolate, served in a silver plate in a particular AC restaurant which has probably has a table for two and where the crowd is young. I would like to go to this restaurant dressed in a not so funky t-shirt, which probably has a size of xxl, a bit hanging, round necked, and of course with a brand label that is hip, teemed up with a denim boot legged trousers, with incisions at the some place near knees. The footwear also needs to be very specific. After all you dont prefer to play tennis in a foot wear that is supposed to be conducive for running, so how can you go in this particular restaurant in any footwear, so yes, the footwear alsohas to be specific. Trendy watches, funky sunglasses, all these go without saying.

We google for specifics, ‘I’m feeling lucky’, we shop for specifics, we have a diet of specific nature,we have developed a life of specific order. Where is the existence of those flying by issues that affects our society in this life? Do they find a place in our lists of specifics?

No wonder, many of us do not know our President, or other policy makers, who directly affect our life. No wonder we are voiceless on many issues that unfolds in front of us. No wonder, our expert degrees in a specific field leaves us politically and socially  illiterate. No wonder the Indian middle class go unrepresented.

Story that lies behind Lies

Liar ! Oh, this word had once assumed astronomical proportions when we were young. Every child wanted to be seen in the light of truthfulness.Once who were not found adhering to these parameters, or at least were not found ‘trying’ to adhere to the parameters were automatically labelled as ‘rotten apple’ of the lot. Ah! As the adage goes ‘Rotten apple spoils the lot’, so it were no different. People discovered the benefits of lying. They discovered that speaking truth is angelic but the lies that helps you are your true angels.

Then came the discovery of another kind of lie. The lie that helps you please others. “Oh, Sara, you look lovely today.” “Oh yes you are the most beautiful girl I ever met” and things of those sorts which would never hurt others but please them and may be sometimes help you cheer them up a bit. This was followed by the lies that help you when you please others. “Sir I think you are the best boss in the whole of corporate world”. Seriously dude? The ‘best’ boss? I thought that bosses are only supposed to be classified as variations of bad (worse or worst).

Lies that would help you be the greatest braggart. You could spin tales of your dare-devilry and people can stay amused and amazed. It really may help you earn some dough among your peers. Of course you needed to have enough lies to substantiate your first lie. In passing by, I just wanted to add that I am most likely to be nominated for the Man Booker Prize next year.

Then came the lies that would give hope. “It will get better tomorrow”. Yes for sure, psychic. Why don’t you tell me exactly why do you think so? Naah, better don’t. Reasoning can sometimes spoil a lie. That is where you know that sometimes one lie should stand on its own and too many would probably spoil the taste.

Okay. What about those lies you told to offend someone? “Hey, did you know I am better than you any day? If you don’t believe me ask Sara, that’s what she would tell you ” In all probability if the second person calls up Sara, she will never substantiate your lie, unless she is some obnoxious person. But then you could always say that she may want to be Not Rude to you. “She said that yesterday man, why did you have to be such a big loser to try to hear it again ?”

Lies to win trust, lies to betray, lies to hurt, lies to simply start a conversation, lies to end conversation, lies to the court house, lies to the offenders. Too many lies float around and we still hold the same opinion-“Liar !” with contempt, but that is not at all condescending for it is only condescension, for if you hold a liar in contempt and you lie, you basically have not your thoughts straight or you lie even when you thinking, that is what makes you the greatest liar !

Dietary choice – do you need to justify what you eat?

A very interesting debate has ensued of late, about “vegetarianism”. Its like people will actually form a religion if they are given a leader and stay preaching everyone to “go veg”. It would be very interesting site. Group of people will roam around telling their nomadic stories and will add after each motivational note that they are vegetarian and since they are so active and righteous, obviously that is the right way to live. And hence people who will be awed by their agility will emulate them and hence the clan will grow. There would be a time when people who eat chicken and fish will be considered “un-cool” and ungentlemanly. There would be black tie events held where the menu will range from different dishes of salad to more different dishes of salad. Need for anything like chicken will be replaced by soya and anything like fish by cottage cheese.

This will move a step forward by nations adopting vegetarianism as their state dietary choice and prohibition will be extended to anything made up of animal. Then there would be sanctions on the countries which still consume plenty of non vegetarian food and a new faction of countries will be formed where the sole uniting principle will be to fight against the hypocrisy of vegetarian countries. There would be attack on the black tie parties by radicals holding roasted chicken and fried lambs, the vegetarians would stand against them strongly but ultimately the delicacies would be the winner. After all no one can resist temptation of the palatable and delicious food.

Don’t be so amazed. I am merely rumbling for the frenzied people who have taken the mammoth task of saving the earth (on a side note doesn’t it sound a bit arrogant to be saving the earth while the Earth would be saying “I’ll be al right dear, Save yourself first!”) and getting excited that they have done their bit by giving up eating living beings and munching merely on the natural and green plants, they are bent on changing every one around them !
Good for you Monsieur/mademoiselle that you have changed, and I appreciate your freedom of speech and your good will, but do not keep on ranting in and around me. Thank You.

On a more serious note, what is this spectacle about “Go Veg”? Its my dietary choice that I like non vegetarian food and I would like to stick by it without having to explain to people the reasons or be looked upon as a sinner against the environment. You talk about my health? Hey look at your paunch, at least if I stuff myself with more of protein I can work out more.

But why am I explaining to you, I shall wait until eating animals is made illegal and I am prosecuted for that offence. I shall be happy to represent the millions who go by their taste buds. Till then stay with me.